


The Walls That Were Built

by Alicatinwonderland



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 02:06:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3832996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alicatinwonderland/pseuds/Alicatinwonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Massie is a patient at Lake shore Mental Facility, and Michael is the Doctor's son, Will he be able to knock down the walls that Massie has built?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Leaving isn't just a word. It’s an action that pains the heart. Hurts the soul. Especially when the one leaving is the one you thought you loved. It can take a toll on someone’s life. It took a toll on mine. I had the good grades and the good attitude in middle school. Freshman year came and my life had changed, swerved into the wrong direction, and I had lost control of who I was. Now all I am is Crazy. All I do is stay in my “hospital” room. I have nothing to live for, because I am an empty shell of my old perky self.

All I could focus on were the little raindrops on the window in this blank white room. There was a silence that went through the room for about ten seconds before my name is called. “Massie, Massie Davis?” I looked over to our therapist, Ms. Rein. She was smiling at me even though she was frustrated with me. “Would you like to speak now since Jade went and she is next to you?” I only shook my head, how dare she try and distract me from the rain. She sighed and looked defeated. “I suppose not. Okay, Jade please choose someone to go next.” Jade Wellington was here before I got here. Here as in Lake shore Community hospital for the mentally sick. In other, harsher words, the crazy house for the crazy psychos. Jade was paper thin and had an eating disorder. She wasn't getting better so she has to double up on therapy sessions. 

On her other side was Lisa-belle McCrae; she was here because of anger issues. She was the tallest of the six of us. Reese Bailey was straight across from me and had eyes that were nearly black, but in reality they were a dark blue. She was here because of acute paranoia, I had heard her a few times late at night screaming and crying, all of the nurses keep an eye on her. I tolerate her because she doesn't hover over you and force you to talk. She's a listener, which is why I considered her my friend.

“I couldn't stand her, so, I punched her is that so bad?” I heard Lisa-belle ask Ms. Rein. “That’s why you’re here Liz,” Was her response. “ITS LISA-BELLE!” She exploded. We all looked at her with shocked faces. Lisa-belle shifted uncomfortably and crumpled into her seat after she realized how angry she got. She was trying, and to some degree i appreciated that. Out of all of us she does try to control herself, but there will be times that she slips and it’s never really pretty. 

Grey Blanche is to the right of Reese and her eyes never leave her hands, she would go next because Lisa-belle and Grey were close friends. No one has seen Grey's eyes, but I like to imagine she has green eyes like me. I always like to imagine things. “I was so angry all I could see was this crimson color. I had never been so aggressive. I was pumped and the adrenaline flowed through me-“Lisa-belle rambled on to Ms. Rein. 

After Grey has finished, Ms. Rein looks to Kali Merlyn to speak. She rubs her arms, revealing the uneven cuts that were sprawled across.  “I don’t know why I did it the first time, I had always told myself that i was strong and that those words didn't affect me. It was a Thursday after school and all I could see through my tears was the blood on the floor and I couldn't bring myself to stop. It made me feel something, if anything. I keep replaying everything that day. The bullies, the names, the pain it all haunted me until I couldn't do it anymore, I had to try to leave the world.” I listened to her. She was going to break down i could feel it, because i know what that feels like. I felt bad for her. I felt bad for them all, but they will never know it. They all have stories to tell, but I prefer mine to stay with only me. “Brad Kingston hurt me beyond repair, and it wasn't like someone hadn't hurt me before, but this was different. He was the one I trusted the most. I loved him and he broke me to the point-“I drowned out again. I saw the little rain drops chase each other down the little window like it was a race. I could never pay attention to one thing for very long and occasionally that would bug me.

The rest of the session passes by and I still refused to speak. I don't think i trust them, even though I have spent so much time with them. They don’t know me and I do not want them to, it's just easier. “Session is done you may head back to your rooms.” That is the only time I like hearing Ms. Rein’s voice. I head out and find my room, 226G, it had become my home. The walls were filled with all of my drawings, I smiled at them. This room was only place where I could ignore everyone. “You know you can’t keep silent forever.” I turned around to see Alessa, my best friend. I had known her since I was little. She had a petite figure and always wore little summer dresses.

“I can see the pain in your eyes.” She speaks with a sharp tone. She always loves to mess with me and it irks me, and sometimes I wish she wasn't my best friend. “It wasn’t your fault…” Her voice fades away as Ms. Rein opens my door. “It’s time for your one on one Massie.” She advises me. I shrug my shoulders and follow her to the doctor’s room. Mrs. Clifford was okay, quite annoying, but kind of tolerable at times; I favored her over Ms. Rein any day. “Ah, Miss Davis please do come in.” I heard her voice and smiled a little because she would try as hard as she could to get information from me, but she would fail miserably.

My feet shuffled into her office and I passed her taking my usual spot on the long, black satin couch. I only looked around for a few minutes before she spoke. “Massie we do realize you haven’t been responsive to any of the medications we have put you on. Why is that?” She asks, clearly knowing why. “Not taking your medicine is very serious Massie.” She continues as I ignore her. I hated the medicine. I would always hide it under my tongue when they check to see if I swallowed the pills. “Honey we are only here to help you, but you have to meet us half way.” Her voice is caring but there is a hint of desperation. “Please say something to me, you can trust me.” I snapped my head towards her when the word trust spilled from her mouth. Trust is not something anyone here deserves. I just sighed and looked at her as she took out her pen and notepad. She hesitantly held them out to me. I know she wants me to draw. I look down at the blank page and picture my room here. Filled with maybe hundreds of my drawings, that is all I do in my room besides imagine being away from here. “Can you draw me a picture?” She asks trying to get through to me in some way. I grabbed the pen and the notepad. There was a small bit of hesitation in me begging me to stay quiet and still, but another part of me begged to draw and to scream out loud. After about two minutes of just blankly staring I began to scribble across the page, bringing my thoughts to life. I became engulfed in my own world, not caring about anything but the drawing. I drew lines and circles and shaded in things. The picture became clearer and clearer. I knew what I was drawing.


	2. Okay...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael Clifford??? What could he be doing at lake shore??

The lake and the tire swing we would go to when I was a little girl. It was the beautiful summer grass, the crystal sky. It all spilled onto the page. Then I got more into detail shading in clouds and trees that surrounded the little lake. A tear hit the page and I finished drawing my best friend Alice and her gorgeous hair that framed every part of her beautiful face, me, and my mom, I drew all of her features even the small little dimple just above the corner of her mouth, her auburn hair and her lanky arms. It was one of my happiest memories. I drew the calm before the storm. I silently put my pen down and looked at Mrs. Clifford. It was true that I spit out all the medicine and I would not deny it. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be treated different. “Can you tell me about this Picture Massie?” She asks taking it from my hands. I shook my head and sat still. “It looks like you drew Alessa? She was there?” She questions clearly knowing I have had Alessa as my best friend for all my life. I nodded vigorously folding my hands in my lap. Alessa was all I had left in my world. When we were little mom would always yell at me for talking to her. That didn’t stop me though, I was very stubborn as a child and I still am. “Why is she drawn all the way away from you and your mom?” She asks trying to understand the picture. I just shrugged. I did that because mom didn't like her. “You may go now Massie, thank you for sharing the picture with me,” she says smiling gesturing to the door.

                                                          I walked down the bright white halls to my room, but of course someone has to stop and try to get me to talk. This time it was Jade. “Hey Massie” She says all giddy and happy. I just give her a small smile. I may be easily annoyed but I am not mean. “Ms. Rein wanted me to tell you that session is pushed back one hour tomorrow because she is picking up Mrs. Clifford's son, Michael, from the airport. He’s like 19 years old or something. She thinks he can help us considering we are all around his age-“I just started to ignore her because, in all honesty she can talk forever and I just did not have the patience. I have just learned to look like I am paying attention. “And so yeah he is coming tomorrow, so session is an hour later” She finishes and hugs me. I stiffened. I do not like hugs. I kept my arms at my sides and my fists balled up. I wouldn’t hit her, but God can she stop please. “Oh! I’m sorry, I forgot you hate hugs” She smiles a little embarrassed. I just give her a stiff nod and rush into my room before any of the other girls spotted me.

                                                          My room is small, white, and completely messy. I am never one to be organized, but I had a system. I remember the first month or two that I was here. I went crazy when I found my room had been cleaned. I threw things everywhere and I actually screamed. That was the only sound that came out of my mouth here. I saw all my drawings that hung on my walls. Each picture meant something to me. Each picture retold a story of mine and I smiled remembering some of the good ones. I walked over to my mirror. All of us had one, but they were plastic and not breakable, a safety precaution for those at the hospital who self harmed. I looked into the mirror and saw my messy brown hair falling out of my bun. I shook it out and it fell down past my ribs and just above my hips. My green eyes were wild and I saw my mother in them. I closed my eyes. I took a shaky breath and looked back into the mirror. My face was oddly round and my nose was pointy and thin. My grey cardigan covered my white tank top and hung above my white yoga pants. We are not allowed to wear jeans or anything with a metal zipper. Anything else we can wear, if it is provided by our guardians. I wore socks but not shoes because I never left this place, and if I went outside it wouldn't matter because I would stay near the hospital anyway.

 

Sighing I walked over to my desk and grabbed a few sheets of paper and a few pencils. I shuffled my feet into the center of my room and sat cross-legged on the floor. I began to enter my own little world, drawing and moving my hand about the pages, scribbling the smallest little details onto the blank paper. I began to re-create the memories that would forever haunt me.

 

                                                          The minutes passed quicker than I thought because I heard the door creak open and my nurse, Cecily, came in with my pills. “I know you don’t want to take them, but please they will help.” She practically begs. I know i should have nothing against her she was just doing her job, but she annoyed me. I only sighed and took the small glass of water and the pills. She looked at me with hopeful eyes. I hesitantly rolled the pills in my hand before I delicately put them into my mouth.  I quickly swallowed the water in one gulp and handed the cup back to her.  “Did you actually take the pills?” She questions skeptically. I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to reveal no pills. I actually decided to behave. It shocked me just as well as her. “Well I will be happy to report this good news to Mrs. Clifford. “ She smiles at me once more before closing the door behind her.

  
                                                          Only a few more hours passed and I began to feel funny  My stomach rumbled and my head began to turn. It felt weird and I didn’t like it. I looked around desperately to find Alice but she wasn't there. I began to worry because she never stayed out this late. I started to get really worried. I searched my closet and under my bed where she normally slept. I hadn't realized she was gone so long. I need to find her. She can help me understand why I felt like this. I am a horrible friend. I didn't even know she was gone. I tore at my hair and ran my hands down my face. My breathing picked up and I felt as if my chest had caved in. I grabbed at my heart in an attempt to calm down but nothing. I stood in the center of my room for who knows how long. I couldn’t function. I knelt down and sat on the floor. There were still some papers and pencils left on the floor. Maybe I could just draw for a little while until she got back. The feeling of relaxation came about and i began to draw more. My worries disappeared. I heard a knock at my door but i ignored it. "Massie? Can i ask something of you?" It was Mrs. Clifford. "I know that you like your room to be your room, but can my son please stay in here for a few days while we are arranging his room? He will only be in here a week or two at most." I was shocked, by her asking me but what shocked me even more was the word that came from my mouth. "Okay."   



	3. People....Ugh

Could there be anything more dreadful than listening to obnoxious conversations? Of course not, in fact I was listening to one right now, right out front of my room. Jade was talking to one of the other newer girls here. I never bothered to learn her name, because frankly I just did not care. “What do you think he will look like? What color hair will he have? You think he’ll fall for one of us?” Jades voice wouldn’t stop and I was literally about to staple her mouth shut. She was boy crazy, and hormonal and insane. I hesitantly opened my door to find the two girls completely engulfed in the idiotic conversation, in the middle of the damn hallway. “OH HEYYY MASSIE!” The newer girl squealed. My eyes popped open and I backed away from them. I did not deal with hyper people well. “Shhh! Caroline she doesn’t talk” Jade nudged her and I guess Caroline looked away a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry Massie” She called to me and I merely nodded my head. I didn't want to be rude, but today was the day Mrs. Clifford's son would be here.  
I was aimlessly walking around the second level. It was where people would be placed if they had the potential to get better. The third level was where you’d be stuck for life. The fourth floor, you never came out of your room, and the fifth level…..Had armed police guarding your room. The first level was only for outpatients, the ones who had weekly or monthly counseling. I came across a lone little couch on the end of the hallway and took a seat. Behind the couch was a small window. Of course it was nailed shut and had little frail bars around it, but it was something to look out of. “I know you feel trapped” I gasped and turned around to see Alessa smirking and leaning against the wall. “You know you can escape right? Just start picking away at the nails, and those bars are weak anyway.” She says walking over to me. I looked at her like she was crazy. “Don’t look at me like that. You could fit through and you know just as well as I do it is not that high” Her smile is devious, just like she was when we were little. “We both got stuck here because of what happened at it wasn’t fair” She grumbles. I just looked down at the little nails that were rusted. I slowly lifted my hand and she smiled. My fingers lightly grabbed at one of the little nails. “Just use a little force Hun” She encourages. I gave the nail a hard twist. To my surprise the nail effortlessly came loose and fell to the couch with an inaudible noise. My surprise soon turned into adrenaline and I tried the next nail. It too came off effortlessly. Soon I had all the nails off and I started to reach for the bars when I felt a hand grab mine.  
“What the hell are you doing?” A new voice startled me. It wasn't one I recognized and I looked up to see a guy around my age. “Hello???” He calls waving a hand over my face. I quickly slap it away and return to the window bars. “Do you want me to call a nurse?” He asks softly. I shake my head and try to bend the bars away from the window. Doing exactly what Alessa told me to do. I had to listen to her. “Will you please stop and talk to me?” He asks. I slowly look at him again and give him a glare. “O-Okay let’s start with names? I’m Michael Clifford.” He holds out his hand. I slowly reach for his hand and he smiles gratefully. “Now, I believe you need to tell me your name?” I actually crack a smile but I shake my head. I want to escape. "Oh, Come on. I told you mine, it is only fair little one." i could only stare at him. He had crazy blonde hair, you could tell was dyed, and he towered over me and my 5'0ft self. "Okay well could you help me find a girl named... Massie?" He said looking at a ripped piece of paper. I smiled slightly, this was the guy i was going to share a room with? I nudged him a little making him look back at me. As he looked up I pointed to myself. "You're Massie??" His laugh echoes throughout the now empty hall. "Well then i guess you can show me to your room." He adds wiggling his eyebrows. I sighed and pulled him arm, dragging him to room 226G.


	4. Draw me?

As we entered the room, i thought to myself. Why would Mrs. Clifford want her son in my room? What about one of the boys? Why doe is have to be me? Maybe he could stay in Henry's bed. Henry was one of 3 boys on floor 2. He was extremely tall and extremely thin. I'm not quite sure of his diagnosis or why he's here. I suppose for aggression, same as the other two, Kyle and Derek.

"My mom thinks you're the only one on the floor that won't try to assassinate me. She is a bit overprotective at some times." Michael's voice shocks me. I must have mumbled that out loud, or maybe he is just good at guessing things. "These are incredible pictures.." He trails off examining the ones closest to the door. I didn't mind that so much, because they weren't as personal as the ones near and under my bed. "This one...this little girl, why is she so distant from you?" He questions, his finger trailing down the picture. I don't speak, i refuse to speak. It angers me that he wants me to talk. I trudged over to my bed and just stared at his back while he observed the rest of my drawings. "Hey... If you don't want to talk... can you draw me? You are a seriously great artist by the looks of it." That warmed my heart. I smiled a little bit, still aggravated. I skipped over to the little desk and grabbed a pencil and my little brown, leather sketchbook. This was my prized possession. It was handmade, and had a little buckle to secure it. It was one of the only things i was allowed to bring with me to the hell hole.

"Did you want me to pose or...?" He trailed off awkwardly. I walked over to my bed again and pointed to the chair desk, signaling him to sit there. Michael winked at me and sat there, posing in funny manners making me giggle a little bit. It took him ten minutes to finally sit still and for me to finally begin to draw. "I am READY" He yelled laughing. I shook my head, smiling to myself. This kid was maybe two years older than me but acted so much younger. 

A few minutes later, after laughing at Michael, i began to sketch his face. I use all my focus on his features, concentrating on the tiniest details. I sketch his nose and notice how perfectly it fit in the center of his face. When it came time to draw his eyes, i look up shocked. He has spectacular green eyes. They glow so elegantly in the dimmed light of my room. I didn't realize how much time went by, because i was so engulfed in drawing and sketching this complete stranger, well not complete, but he is still new to me. I look down to my drawing and I am proud to say it turned out better than I ever thought, though i am hesitant to show Michael. He did say i am amazing, but that doesn't mean i am not self conscious. I kept battling within myself until i heard Michael speak up."Is it done yet Massie?" I can hear the eagerness in his voice. My hands trembled, my inner conscious saying not to show him, that he will only laugh at me."Oh come on Massie, i bet its fantastic." He says standing up and walking over to me. I snapped my head up from the drawing and standing up with him. I clutched my leather sketchbook in my hands so tightly that my knuckles were screaming, and as white as the room that surrounded us.

I inched away from him unable to process my thoughts. It was like the air was becoming incredibly thick and it was hard to  breathe. "Hey, Massie are you okay?" I shake my head and smile at him, handing over the sketch book. I watched him scan over the drawing, my heart pounding withing my chest. It seems like forever until he looks up from the page and smiles his goofy smile. "This- wow... can i keep it Massie?" I nod my head and hold out my hand signaling him to hand the book over. He tosses it to me and i carefully rip the page out of the book and handing him the lone picture. "I absolutely love with this picture Massie, you are so good. Hey its almost 7:30pm I am gonna head over to my mom. Thank you so much though, it was really nice to meet you, and I'll see you again soon after i talk to my mom. If not, then goodnight." I watch as he walks out, and I still am not sure weather or not I like this guy. 

"You know, he's just going to break you.." I whipped around to see Alessa. "He's going to tear your little heart out of your chest and stomp on it, like everyone does to you.." She trails off and saunters over to me. "You don't know that Alessa. He could really be nice." I say glaring slightly at her. "Oh, but I do, because i know you.." She says smirking at me. I groaned and stared out my window. A small window that not even I could escape from, even if it did open. "Hes gonna be the one to break you.." Alessa started to fade away into the hall. I clutched my head. The throbbing beginning to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you lovelies for reading:)


	5. The nightmare?

I could feel my brain pounding against my skull. I tried to let out a scream, but nothing. I always suffered from bad headaches, and it was nothing new to me, but it still hurts a lot. I'm able to locate my bed and lie down. Staring at the ceiling is absolutely boring, but i start to feel my headache subsiding. I smile through my tears, some had slipped out from a few minutes ago. "Hey, Massie? My mom wants you" I hear Michael say as he enters the room with two huge suitcases and one small suitcase. I walk over to him and take the bags and set them down onto the bed that sat across from mine. I hardly ever remember that it's there. Sometimes i even pretend it doesn't exist at all. "Thanks, you didn't have to do that." He says hugging me. I automatically flinch and stiffen my whole body. Someone forgot to mention that i hate hugs. I just kinda stand there silently while he does whatever. Still very uncomfortable. "Oh, yeah, my mom wants to see you." He says releasing my at last. 

 

I shrug it off and exit the room allowing him to settle in. I take a huge breath before entering Mrs. Clifford's office. I always tolerate her because she is a nice lady, but i am sort of afraid to see her now, because she never calls anyone to her specifically unless someone has done something bad. I approach her room and knock lightly before i turn the knob, hearing the familiar creak of the hinges. "Ah, Massie, come in." She says with a huge smile plastered on her face. I give a small smile because i already entered. "Massie, i know it may be uncomfortable for you to share a room with another person, let alone a boy, but I assure you my son will not lay a hand on you. I will make sure of that. Also, I do want to apologize for putting you in the situation in the first place, but his arrangements have gone a wire. I have no place for him to go at the moment and I do trust you the most out of the patients, to say the least. I do care for my son and want him to be safe." She explains while handing me some water in a little plastic cup. I take a drink and expect more words to come from her mouth or that i have been set back. I know i said Okay to her, but I am not really comfortable talking, nor do i want to talk. It's better not to talk, because people cant say that you said something previously. 

"Massie?" I look up at her and she smiles again. "I realize that you still won't talk to anyone, and i know it may be tough, but i want you to try. All i really wanted to discuss is that you are making progress sweetie. I am proud of you for that, and i don't want you to push it, i want you to take your time." She says walking to the door. I smile at her, appreciating that she won't rush me. I don't like to be rushed, it makes me frantic. I hand her the empty plastic cup and make my way to my room. 

When i return it's already 9:30pm. It did not even feel like that late, but oh well. I opened the door to my room, well now Michael and I's room. I still don't know how to feel about that. When i first got here i would refuse to let anyone sleep in the room. I would kick and scream. Then again, i was 13 years old, and having experienced what i just had, i was not in a good state of mind. I closed the door behind me, and heard a click, meaning that the doors won't open until 6 the next morning, all doors did that, because there were some patients on this floor that would try to escape, including me. 

Michael was asleep already so i decided i should sleep too. I tucked myself into the bed trying to get as comfortable as possible before drifting off.

_~Running was all i could do. He was chasing me. Again. He never stops. He never goes away. I could feel my lungs starting to collapse, but i have to keep going, i have to keep running. I can hear his footsteps coming closer and closer, making me push my feet farther and farther. It is no use, he will always catch up to me...always...He never goes away~_

I shoot up from the bed and look over to see if i had woken Michael, and thankfully i did not. I sighed in relief not wanting to explain what i just saw. It was my reoccurring, nightmare, but it wasn't a nightmare, it was my memory. My reoccurring memory.    

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovlies:) thank you for reading always:)


	6. Session

The next morning arrived and i began to wander about my floor before session. I didn't have a session yesterday because Mrs. Clifford excused me. I mentally thanked her for that, because i honestly forgot about session. Michael is lucky, he gets to sleep in and take his time. I have to wake up at 6 in the morning and go to sessions at 8. I wore my white gown today because i didn't feel like changing from my sleep wear. the gown went just above my knee and had a few tears near the end, because of how much i wear the thing. I had my usual white pair of socks on and my blonde hair was down and knotted. I didn't particularly care though. I finally made my way into session after wandering aimlessly throughout the floor. I had the floor entirely memorized, every crack and every turn.

I opened the door and saw that only Lisa-belle and Reese had arrived before me. Jade, Grey and Kali would be arriving soon. "Ah, Massie, lovely to see you again, how is everything?" Ms. Rein says in her squeaky, annoying voice. I nod curtly and take my seat, dreading this session in particular. Mrs. Clifford must have told her about my one word and now she was all hopeful and whatnot. I hear the floor creak a bit and see Kali walk in, bandages covering her arms. She must have relapsed again. I feel horrible for her. I don't know why she does it, but i know it makes her feel something. I can understand her even though i don't know why. It's something we share in common. We can all understand, but we don't know. "Kali darling how are you?" Ms. Rein says. "I feel, I feel lost" Kali replies. I can't help but feel sad. We are all lost, that's what i always think. Once we are all in the rooms and sat in the circle, session begins.

 

The first one to go is Grey this time. She is so quiet and i can not for the life of me hear what she is saying so i start to focus on other things as usual. The chair this time. How they are bleached white and completely unstable. The legs are worn and a rusted metal. I start to focus on the windows. That soon bores me as well. Everything here was basically the same shade of white and grey. "Lisa-belle?" I hear Ms. Rein say. I look over to Grey, tears streamed her face and a pang of guilt washed over me. I felt guilt because i couldn't focus on her story, i wish i did. I slowly bring my hand up to meet Grey's arm, since she sat next to me. I awkwardly rub her arm trying to comfort her, and her head shoots up the tears still streaming. She turns to me and i see her eyes for the first time. They are brown and they have specks of grey wedged in as well. Her eyes shock me and i pull my hand from her arm. "Thank you Massie." She whispers to me. I nod in acknowledgement. I then realize that everyone is staring at me. I shrink into my seat and look down.

"I want to stop getting angry" Lisa-belle starts getting the attention off of me. The session drags on and on and right when i think i am in the clear and don't have to talk, Ms. Rein looks at me. "Massie, would you like to speak?" the usual hint of desperation in her voice. I don't speak. I don't nod. "Massie?" a new voice intervenes. Michael? I look at see the crazy haired boy in the doorway, his black skinny jeans were ripped and his white v-neck was loose hung over his torso. I smiled at him and he came over to me. "Can i show them your drawing of me?" He asks. My eyes widen in shock. No one really knows i draw except for Mrs. Clifford and Reese, because Reese has been in my room before. I kind of nod and he takes the thin sketch paper from his pocket and shows everyone. "Massie oh my gosh you are amazing." Jade says in exasperation. Everyone nods in agreement and i smile my heart warming at the compliments. I never got many when i was younger, and i kept to myself for the four years that i have been here. I never open up. I spent so much time building the walls that keep me safe. "I told her to draw me instead of talking and the way she pays attention to detail is beyond amazing." Michael starts to speak about the drawing and i concentrate on the tears in my gown, patiently waiting for session to end.

 

After session, we make our way to the cafe on the first floor. I just take an apple, a peanut butter sandwich, and an orange juice. The same thing i always get from here, and leave to go to my room on floor 2. The only ones who are required to stay in the cafe for lunch/dinner/breakfast are the ones with eating disorders. Grey and Jade had to stay. "No! No!" I hear screams from down the hall when i stepped out of the elevator, the elevator attendant gave a small smile. There has to always be an attendant everywhere. Even in the bathrooms. I didn't mind it as long as they didn't try to talk to me. I open the door to my room and sit at my desk, eating my sandwich and apple. I begin to draw random things, little doodles in my sketch book. It is something to pass the time here until i have to see Mrs. Clifford for my one on one.  


	7. One on One

As time goes by, waiting for my one on one, i began perfecting the drawing i was working on for a long time. It is a portrait of half my mothers face and half of my face.Her half consists of her beautiful greenish blue eyes and her perfectly carved cheek bones, with her hair falling just above her shoulder. My side reflects my face more completely because i can always look at the mirror and perfect my features. "Massie Davis? Your one on one with Mrs. Clifford is now." Cecily says knocking on my door. I push the chair from the desk making the floor squeak. I straightened my gown and open the door. She looks at me and hands me the plastic cup with a little pill. I sighed and grabbed the items.She smiles at me while i Shove the pill in my mouth, and drink the water. 

Mrs. Clifford's room was not a meter away when Michael pops up out of no where. That makes me wonder where he has been all day. I kept in my room since 1:30 and now it was 5:00. Usually other patients will hang about in the rec room and watch an old television or play cards. Maybe that's where he was. "Hey Massie, uh, since it's my first real day here I am trying to get a grasp on all the patients here. My mom has been letting me do the one on one sessions with her watching in the back. I'll be doing your one on one today." He says smiling a mile wide. I shrug and walk past him into Mrs. Clifford's room. "Hello Massie, Michael will be doing the one on one today." She says and i nod. I sit in the leather chair and wait for Michael to talk. 

 

"So it says that you have been here for four years?" Michael says starting off the session. I nod telling him the information is correct. "Have any of your parents visited you recently?" I flinched at the word parents. "I'm sorry Massie." he says i cut him off with my hand and shake my head answering his question. No, my parents haven't visited me since my mother is not alive anymore, and my father is dead to me. He dropped me off here and never looked back. I was a confused, traumatized girl, and he left me here with no explanation. Just me, my leather sketch book, and Alessa. I shoot up from my seat. Where is Alessa?? Where is she?! I looked around trying to find her. She likes to hide sometimes, and she also likes to run around aimlessly. "What's wrong Massie?????" Michael says and concern is clear in his voice. "What's wrong?" He keeps asking as i frantically search throughout the room. Mrs. Clifford watches, knowing who i am searching for. She's helped me look a few times. 

I kept searching and searching. She's not here...She's not here....She's not here.

"She's not here." i whispered to no one in particular. I look at the floor my knees clutched together in my arms. I feel someone crouch down next to me. "Who isn't here Massie?" Michael asks touching my shoulder. "Alessa." I answered him. "Who is Alessa?" He asks. I look at him tears forming. "She's all i have left." I say, the tears falling more freely at this point. Michael looks as if he's about to cry. No, no he can't cry, such beautiful eyes cant shed tears. I want to wipe them away. "Michael... I think she has to go back to her room." Mrs. Clifford steps in. I silently thank her and stand up brushing off the invisible dirt from  my gown and walk towards the door. "I think you got through to her Mike." Mrs. Clifford whispers just as i walk out. I just ignore it. I have had enough for today and i just want to sleep. 


End file.
